


Don't you know that you're toxic

by Greeneyesthickthighs



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: angst like woah
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-03
Updated: 2014-11-03
Packaged: 2018-02-23 22:55:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2558780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Greeneyesthickthighs/pseuds/Greeneyesthickthighs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Later, when there are three arrows protruding from his chest and a knife in his shoulder, Fili considers that Kili really was it for him, even if he wasn’t it for Kili.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't you know that you're toxic

**Author's Note:**

> Though lovers be lost, love shall not; And death shall have no dominion.”  
> -Dylan Thomas

It had always been the two of them, hands clasped together in the cover of darkness, kisses stolen on their shift to keep watch, secret smiles atop ponies and tangled tongues in Rivendell, fingers mapping known territory and settling over familiar heartbeats.

Until her, the woman, _the elf_. She was one of the fair folk, luminous and a thousand times more beautiful than the most precious gems. In comparison to that breathtaking creature he feels massive, too aware that she is made of starlight and he is made of simple stone. His brothers eyes turn to her now, they barely wander to back to him. Something within him cracks when he is forced to listen to his brother tell memory after memory to his elf. He shares his stories with her as easily as he shares his smiles, and it aches inside to realize that in this moment, his brother cares not that they are locked in tiny cramped cells about to miss their only shot at reclaiming their home because he can tell half truths to his elf. Kili never shares the other half of the story, he doesn’t tell her that they’d wrapped his warmest cloak around the both of them, fingers twisted together sweetly and whispered under the moonlight about all the adventures they’d have in Erebor, or how sweetly Kili kissed him that night, how he whispered words of affection in Fili’s hair before completion. He can see his uncle’s shadowed face from his cell, and he clearly not enjoying the interaction – for much different reasons –so Fili lays back and pretends not to listen as his heart beats painfully in the dark.

They manage to escape the elves, thanks to Bilbo’s brave rescue, but Fili cannot save his brother, can do nothing but shout whilst his brother fights to save them and is hurt, could have possibly died and all he did was sit back uselessly while he continued to lose his brother, his lover to a stranger.

Later, when Kili’s gaze strays back to the forest Fili realizes that he’s already lost his brother, that from the moment he laid eyes on the elf he was hers. So when his brother stares up at her, blearily whispering of sweet affection, he tends to Bard’s children and pretends to feel numb.

They drift apart, as helpless as leaves floating atop a lake, and if Kili’s hands shake before battle and Fili’s knees jerk at the sound of the order to move out, neither say anything about it, because even now they know each other better than they know themselves. They embrace, and Kili presses his lips into his shoulder and for a selfish second he allows himself to pretend nothing has changed because despite it all, he still aches for what Kili used to give him.

Later, when there are three arrows protruding from his chest and a knife in his shoulder, Fili considers that Kili really was it for him, even if he wasn’t it for Kili. He loves his brother with everything he has, so much so that Kili already possesses him completely.

A fourth arrow is what kills him.

_(His last thoughts are of his brother)_


End file.
